The Ups and Downs of Transitions

By Kimberly Kuskovsky, MA, MFT
 
Transitions are tough.  Transitions can be big or small, expected or unexpected, happy or unfortunate, but, no matter the paradigm, one thing you can be sure of—it’s going to be a bumpy ride!
 

In my case, the big transition was finishing graduate school and joining the workforce full-time.  After being in higher education for seven years straight, I saw the end and could not wait to never have to write another paper or study for another exam.

I had always worked either through summers or part-time through graduate school, so I did not think that joining the work force full time would be all that different.  So, when I finally graduated with my Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy and was able to get a job doing exactly what I hoped to do, I was over the moon! Look out life, here I come!
 
Then, it hit me.  The excitement I expected was drowned out by anxiety, fear, and hesitation. I was overcome by feelings of worry, sadness, and apprehension.  What was happening? 
 
I was experiencing all that comes with a transition.
 
I realized I would not be going back to class.  I would not regularly (or at all!) see my classmates or professors.  It hit me that I would be leaving my part-time job that had become home to me for the three years I was in school.  I was experiencing loss. I had to let go of my previous lifestyle so I could transition into my new normal.
 
This transition seamlessly came with a variety of feelings.  I was sad about leaving my job and no longer seeing the people who had become so essential in my day-to-day life.  I was also filled with anxiety and fear about what would happen next and if I would succeed.  This fear of the unknown and self-doubt almost kept me from even taking the next step of getting a new job and I found myself worrying if I made the right choice in my career path. 
 
I realized that I no longer had a schedule, a plan, or even something that I was working towards because I had accomplished my current goal of getting a Masters degree.  I was beginning to experience a state of anome. Anome is something my professor would talk about during a course called Families in Transition.  It is described as a state of normalessness.  I no longer had a set routine, a place to be, an identity.
 
So I was left to think about my identity. I was a student.  I loved getting and marking up a new planner, learning new things in class, and being around others who felt the same.  I had some level of responsibility but I could always fall back on being in my “learning phase”. My identity was shifting.  I would now become a full time professional.
 
 
What pulled me out of the downs of transitioning and into the ups?
 

1. Remember that this is normal. TRANSITIONS ARE HARD.  It is not easy to leave the comfortable and venture into the new and unknown.
2. Accept all the feelings and understand that this is a process.
3. Keep up with routines that will transition with you— such as exercising or your weekly manicure.
4. Recall past transitions that were successful.
5. Remind yourself why this transition is happening, especially if it was a transition of choice such as a marriage or having a child.
6. Reach out to friends, family, professionals in the field and others who are going through a similar transition.
7. Ask yourself: How can this transition be positive?  Will it get me to my goals of _______________ ?
8. Be kind to yourself:  Remember that there is a learning curve with everything new that you try.

 
 
P.S. Check out Mary Piper’s book Letters to a Young Therapist for additional encouragement and inspiration.