By: Keith Dixon, MSMFT
No time of year brings out the pressure of being with someone like Valentines Day. Are you feeling it? Here are a few tips to keep in mind that may help ease this holiday.
You’re Not Alone.
Despite what it might look like on Facebook don’t be fooled into thinking that you are the ONLY person who doesn’t have romantic plans that day. In fact, in NYC it is likely that the majority of people will not be celebrating much on February 14th.
You’re Not with a “Loser”.
Just as good as it can be to be in a great relationship, is as bad as it can be in a bad one.
All good Things Take Time.
Relationships, finding a partner, even life; all these things are processes. They require time and stages. Not having a partner is not a failure; it means you are at a particular stage in the process. A process that, because of its relational nature, means it is not only up to you. You are working toward your goals and with time they will come.
Romantic Relationships Are Not the Only Relationships.
Don’t forget to celebrate the relationships you do have in your life. Romantic ones are not the only kind -- they aren’t the only ones you need! No one person will ever be enough for us. Successful life requires a myriad of relationships and people. Take time to be thankful for the relationships and love you do share. Celebrate those victories!
It’s One Day.
Feelings are fleeting. If being in a relationship is something you want in life and you aren’t there then it’s natural to be sad. But that feeling won’t last. As Valentine’s Day passes and life continues, the intensity will fade and you’ll go back to your normal worries of life.
There is No Need to Over Cope.
Our tendency when we feel sad is to cope and that isn’t inherently a bad thing. It’s good to cope with our feelings but how do we cope? That is the question we need to ask. Do you do something that you are going to regret later? Will it negatively affect important aspects of your life? Will it put you in a very vulnerable place? Is the regret of that one stand really worth it when we could just survive the night watching movies? If the answer is yes, then we need to come up with new strategies.
The Cost of a Being in a Relationship = Benefits of Being Single.
The cost of being in a relationship is your total freedom. When we are single, we have the freedom to give our whole selves to work, friendships, self-care, travel, family, etc.; or to get up and go as you wish. These are things you will only truly have time for when you are single. Lean into those during seasons when you have them!
Celebrate Your Friends Who are In Relationships.
A true mark of maturity is the ability to celebrate others in areas you’re still wanting. It is wonderful for anyone to be in a good relationship so celebrate with your friends, in spirit, the ways that they have found good things. To be successful in any relationship requires us to be able to enjoy life when it’s not about us. How are you when it comes to your friend’s successes? Practice now, as it will only get harder when you are in a relationship.
Love Yourself on Valentine’s Day.
Give yourself a gift or do something you’ve wanted to do! One of the keys to being successful when you are in a relationship is being able to love and appreciate yourself. Balance is key!
Enjoy Your Life Now
Many of the points so far make this greater point. Don’t let one day or one circumstance of your life dictate whether you can find joy. There is no need to wait until you have everything you want in order to enjoy life today. Your best life NOW is enjoyed by actively enjoying the time you have.