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  • Home
  • NYC Therapists
    • NYC Therapists >
      • Angie Sadhu
      • Whitley Louvier
      • Megan Hernandez
      • Hannah Kang
      • Ruby Elgar
  • CT Office
    • Amanda Craig, PhD Therapist
    • Ruby Elgar, MA, MFT-LP Therapist
    • MMFT CT Partners >
      • Andre Burey, MD
      • Marybeth Jordan, LCSW
      • Ashlyn Campbell, LMB, FSC
      • Antonio Reale, ND, MS
      • Karen Hand, M.Ac., LA.c
      • Jean Gauvin, PhD, MD
    • MMFT CT Events
  • Services
    • About Therapy
    • Individual Therapy
    • Couples Therapy
    • Family Therapy
    • Premarital Counseling
  • Therapists Corner
    • Clinical Supervision
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    • WORK WITH US
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    • Recovery Awareness Month
    • Earth Month
    • Store
  • Workshops
    • Emotional Connection in the Family
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    • Parenting Fireflies: the wonderful years of tweens
    • Life Work Harmony
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Year-round Allyship

6/7/2022

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By Coco Jepsen

With June being pride month, there is a spotlight highlighting those in the LGBTQ+ community for 30 days. While that encapsulates many, there are others who do not identify as a member of this community, but rather an ally of it. To ally is defined as “
to unite or form a connection or relation between'' by The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, but how can we do this in our community, and how can we carry this through the other 11 months of the year? We can:

  • Lead our lives with empathy 
  • Be mindful of using inclusive language
  • Educate ourselves through listening to others 
  • Advocate for others

To lead a life of empathy, one must widen their lens to include those around them, rather than one right way being the dominant culture. Imagine what it is like to walk in someone else’s shoes- someone different from you. This can include not assuming heterosexuality, apologizing when we misspeak or mislabel, owning any pain you’ve caused and offering acceptance to the fact that others may have different circumstances and values than you. Realize our actions have a ripple effect, and they can be hurtful to others even when harm is not intended, leading them to feel oppressed one more time. Instead we seek to build others up, letting them know they matter and that their identities and relationships are accepted, protected and invited in our community.

Inclusive language is a small step that can do wonders making those in the LGBTQ+ community feel less isolated. When college kids return home for the summers, don’t ask if they have a boy/girlfriend specifically, but rather a partner, or if they’ve met anyone special. Making these assumptions of others in our vernacular may be habitual and entirely unintentional, but carry a certain weight to those in the LGBTQ+ community, or those who are unsure if they’re a part of that community. 

Humans, however, are creatures of habit. It takes time and education for us to relearn vocabulary and terminology. This is normal and won’t happen overnight, but we can be proactive learners through curiosity and asking questions. As the director of the Dennis L. Carlson Sexuality Education Studies Center at Miami University, Megan Kuykendoll, points out, “It’s not every queer person’s job to explain how to use every pronoun or term”. 

We must take it upon ourselves to use resources such as www.thetrevorproject.org and pflag.org to educate ourselves and others as a starting point. Learning is a process and comes with experiences we have, and won’t be seamless. Professor Kuykendoll explains this learning process as, “not about being 100% right, it’s acknowledging when you messed up and doing better”.


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Can Every Relationship Problem Be Solved?

5/13/2022

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By Whitley Louvier, LMFT
 
“Ugh, not again!” Anthony rolled his eyes as he saw the text alert from the budget app he shared with his husband letting him know that Matthew had just made a purchase at his favorite store. Money was a frequent source of conflict between the two of them, with Matthew admittedly being the “spender” and Anthony “the saver”. They had recently had a discussion about the need to save for the future, and Anthony found himself getting more and more angry the more he thought about Matthew’s apparent disregard for that joint decision.
 
That evening at home after work, Anthony exploded as soon as he saw Matthew.
“How could you do this after the conversation we had just the other
day? You just don’t care about the future! We’ve had so many of these
conversations before that too, I’m so tired of having the same argument over
and over!” Matthew responded back with anger, “What’s the big deal, it
wasn’t even that much money! I work too, I deserve to buy certain things if
I can afford them! You need to loosen up and stop attacking me!”

 
According to Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist and relationship researcher, 69% of conflicts between a couple are perpetual problems, meaning they are due to differences in perspective and personality and cannot be solved. Perpetual problems are also sure to resurface between a couple again and again, which understandably can be frustrating and discouraging.


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5 Questions You Might Consider if You're Thinking About Medication for Your Tween or Teen

1/13/2022

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By Jean Gauvin PhD, MD

1. What is the rate of mental disorders in children and teenagers?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, up to 50% of children and adolescents meet criteria for a mental disorder in the diagnostic and statistical manual (DSM) by age 18. That means that up to half of children and adolescents are struggling significantly with emotional issues to the point that they are suffering and have impaired functioning. Medication is often used to help relieve the suffering caused by mental illnesses and disorders by targeting chemical imbalances in the brain.


2. How do you determine whether to prescribe medication?

Several factors are taken into consideration when determining whether a dose of medication is appropriate. These include but are not limited to a patient’s symptoms, his or her age, sometimes his or her gender, possible interactions with other medications that he or she is also taking, the duration of treatment, as well as potential side effects. This is especially important since some psychiatric medications can have more severe long–term side effects. For example, antipsychotics and mood stabilizers can cause obesity, high cholesterol, and diabetes. These side effects, in turn, can lead to blockages in the arteries that increase the risk of heart disease and stroke.

3. Are there any child-specific considerations that factor into the decision to prescribe a medication?

Whether it comes to treatment for an adult or a child, the prescribing of medication generally occurs when the benefits outweigh the risks. However, in children, there is an added subtle risk that may be difficult to accurately assess: the risk on the developing brain. Though all of our medications are tested and proven to be generally safe, we are never exactly sure what subtle effects they may have on the developing brain of a child. There is not a reliable way to determine exactly what kinds of subtle effects they may have over, let's say, twenty years on factors such as personality or cognitive development. That is why I adhere to a conservative approach in the treatment of all patients, but especially when it comes to the treatment of children.


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Depression is Real and Not All Depression is the Same

6/14/2021

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Dr. Amanda Craig, Ph.D, LMFT
Dr. Andre Burey, MD
Depression... the cloud of sadness over life. Sometimes the clouds lightly shadow the joys of life but they still shines through. It’s a mild discomfort but you have learned to live with it. And even when the sun is out, you know there will be another sad day to come.
 
Sometimes depression is seen as dark angry clouds. Have you ever known someone to be easily angered and frustrated at the drop of a hat? That can also be an expression of depression. We think depression is always expressed through sadness but sometimes its through anger, especially for men.
 
For other people the clouds move in and the sunshine is just absent. The world is colored by thoughts and feelings of pain or deep numbness. The hurt can come and go in waves or stay for days or weeks at a time. Some times it feels unbearable to survive. And it is hard to see any sunshine at all.
 
 
Depression isn’t the same for everyone. But you might experience: 

  • Feeling weighted down in cement blocks
 
  • Trouble getting out of bed and often feeling like a nap
 
  • Feeling hungry but nothing sounds good to eat
 
  • Eating brings comfort
 
  • People are talking so fast
 
  • The world is moving so fast
 
  • Blah
 
  • Feeling an emptiness you just can’t explain
 
  • Feeling aches and pains in the body. Literal physical discomfort from emotional hurt
 
  • Irritation that leads you to fly off the handle in a way you can not control
 
What happens in the brain of depression:
 
Historically, research studies on depression proposed that depression is caused by low levels of individual neurotransmitters - serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, and/or histamine - in the brain. However, we now understand that depression is caused by a complex interplay between genetics, dysfunctional systems of brain circuits, temperament/personality traits and environmental stressors. 
 
In the brain, the most common abnormalities found on MRI are bright spots in the basal ganglia and the thalamus and reduced sizes of the hippocampus and caudate nucleus, all of which are deeper, more primitive regions of the brain with complex functions preserved across mammalian species. PET scans of depressed patients commonly show decreased metabolism/brain activity in the frontal brain regions which are responsible for attention, memory, concentration, mood regulation, and other higher-level brain functions that make humans uniquely prone to bouts of depression.

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Are You On the Slippery Slope to Habit Forming Alcohol Use?

5/4/2021

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Dr. Amanda Craig, PhD, LMFT
Dr. Andre Burey, MD
Ever Wonder: What is Habit Forming Alcohol Use?
 
You know you have habit forming alcohol use when:

  • You start looking forward to happy hour at 3:00.
 
  • You find yourself saying (out loud or to yourself) “let me just grab my drink quick first”.
 
  • You find you would rather have a drink and_____ than play with the kids or hang with your partner.
 
  • You wake up in the morning blah but don’t think it’s because of the alcohol.
 
  • Your not moody even though people say you are.
 
  • You don’t have a problem even though loved ones tell you they are concerned.
 
  • You notice you used to have a couple drinks and now you can take down the entire bottle.
 
  • You have to “hide your business” because family get irrationally upset.
 
  • You wonder if the quantity your drinking is really that much.
 
  • Pretty much most of the time you feel bored.
 
Why does alcohol mute happiness?
 
In the brain, alcohol initially boosts the effect of calming neurotransmitter GABA and releases feel-good endorphins that stimulate opioid receptors. However, as blood alcohol level rises, so does its toxic by-product acetaldehyde which is thought to be responsible for the next-day hangover and moodiness. Alcohol also negatively impacts sleep, as waning blood alcohol levels disrupt the brain’s natural sleep cycle and impede the ability to have a deep, restorative sleep that is crucial for next-day energy and mood stability.

Can habit drinking become a bigger problem?
A seemingly harmless habit can escalate into dependency as the brain’s feel-good receptors grow accustomed to the presence of high levels of alcohol in the blood to maintain a new homeostasis. In turn, the absence of alcohol signals the brain’s opioid receptors and reward pathways to cue alcohol-seeking behavior (i.e. cravings); in severe alcohol use disorder, the sudden discontinuation of alcohol can result in alcohol withdrawal symptoms that can progress to life-threatening seizures and delirium tremens – a syndrome that may include involuntary body shaking, confusion, hallucinations, and irregular heart rhythms.

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You Might Want to Get Assessed For ADHD If …

4/5/2021

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Dr. Amanda Craig, Ph.D, LMFT
Dr. Andre Burey, MD
There are some common thoughts and behaviors people who are diagnosed with ADHD report. Doing the behaviors listed below does not mean you have ADHD but that you might want to get a formal assessment to determine if a diagnosis of ADHD fits for you. To know will help you identify ways to cope better, improve the way you feel about yourself and how you impact close relationships.

You may have ADHD if:

  • You never know where your keys are

  • You have 15 tabs open and three carts full of purchases

  • You just had a conversation with someone but have no idea what it was about

  • You try really hard to be on time, start getting ready early, and you’re still late

  • You just did a ton of things but have nothing to show for it 

  • You’ve put together a process to stay organized but somehow never use it/forget you have it

  • You’ve been meaning to start that project and haven’t

  • You’ve been meaning to clean up that project but you haven’t

  • You honestly did not know you had that scheduled

Why this happens... 

In the brain of someone with ADHD, you’re dealing with a frontal lobe that is under-responsive to dopamine and norepinephrine – neurotransmitters crucial for problem solving, organized decision making, maintaining the motivation to carry out a task, and for blocking out distractions from the environment. In individuals who do not have ADHD, their brains are better able to pump the brakes on making rash decisions, making easier for them to resist the many distractions around them and to think more mindfully. The ADHD brain is functioning as if the brakes have been cut and less able to slow down the urges to act on each thought that comes to mind.

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Top 10 Tips for the 'New Normal' Back to School

10/9/2020

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By Amanda Craig, PhD, LMFT

  • Start the school year with some structure, write it down. Let kids come up with some of their structure so they feel invested.
  • Roll with the flow of changes and unknowns. There will be changes- how do you roll with it?
  • Have some common back to school rituals that you usually do to make some of the unfamiliar feel familiar.
  • Ask kids how they feel about starting school. Use opened ended questions, multiple choice and correct me if I’m wrong questions.
  • Remain positive and confident in your decisions about what's best for you and your family. No decision will feel 100% right when everything around you feels so wrong right now.
  • Be honest about how you're feeling with developmentally appropriate words and content. Kids will learn from you.
  • Look for opportunities in all the distress for fun, play, time to connect.
  • Consider the separation anxiety that kids might be feeling, despite the age, given how isolated they've been over the last 6 months.
  • Parents be aware of your own anxieties and distress- kids will pick up on the energy.
  • Remember, this is a pandemic that we've had to parent through! A time that will be noted in history for how hard it was to navigate. Don't forget we survived and did what we had to do to make it work. You are amazing!

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A Call to Action

6/5/2020

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By Jenna Hendriksen, MA, MFT-LP

As a country, we are suffering. We are overwhelmed with emotion; trying to grasp what is going on in the world. Between Covid-19 and yet another act of police brutality shining light on racism and injustice in our country, we are feeling at a loss. Be kind to one another; It is important to remember we are all in this together. Here are some ways you can cope with what's going on in the world and contribute in a positive and meaningful way. 

Emotional Awareness and Expression.
It is important to acknowledge our feelings as it pertains to the recent series of events. How are you processing each emotional experience? To truly understand how you are feeling, slow down and get curious about how your body feels in your emotion. Our emotions are a neurological experience and we explain it using feelings words. Most often emotion is felt in your heart, lungs and digestive system because the nervous system drives emotion through the body. Now you know where your emotion is held. Next, access the emotion stored in those places of tension. Name the feeling, name its root cause, perhaps even see what defenses the emotion leads you to do in behavior. And then what underlying messages are you telling yourself that calm or agitate your emotional state? And what behaviors are we proud of and feel guilty about?


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Tips to Minimize the Traumatic Effects of Coronavirus

6/5/2020

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By Michelle Woodward, LPC

In the recent months, we’ve had to face unexpected changes and hardship of a pandemic and there is no doubt that we are in the beginning stages of a huge mental health crisis involving psychological trauma. COVID-19 will leave a large percentage of our population traumatized and not knowing where to get the help they need. I recently watched a video by Bessel Van der Kolk, leading expert in trauma and author of The Body Keeps Score.  In the video he discusses Psychological Trauma in the Age of Coronavirus. I've highlighted six points from the video on how we can minimize the impact of this trauma on ourselves throughout (and after) quarantine.  Though the video was created specifically with Coronavirus in mind many of the points can be applied to all traumas.


So, what sets people up for trauma and what can we do about it? See these helpful tips below:

  • Lack of Predictability -- It’s human nature to want to organize our lives in predictable a way.  We do this by making schedules, setting up the order of the day and living a life where we can plan and predict.  Van der Kolk suggests continuing this habit even in quarantine.
    • The day starts and ends with your bed! Try to wake at the same time, daily, even if you don’t have a job or plans. This is the same for bedtime. Try to maintain consistency for the day. Arrange the day with specific activity times: Exercise class 9am every day, 12:30 make lunch, 3pm go for a walk and talk to a friend, 5pm watch TV show, 7pm dinner and 10pm bedtime. Plan your day and plan your week to overcome unpredictability. 
    • He discusses the importance of planning out into the future as well-weekly zoom times through June, set a hike for next Sunday, plan the drive by birthday parade for your best friend in 3 weeks.  
    • Create a schedule of putting yourself in a time frame where you can look forward to contact and activities. Make it concrete and easy to follow by making a calendar of connections and activities and writing it down on a calendar or piece of paper and share with others.


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Therapist Toolkit: A Clinically Minded Transition to Virtual Sessions

4/13/2020

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By Sarah Trance, LMFT

If you’re a therapist or mental health counselor, you’ve likely been thrusted into virtual sessions during COVID-19 and I know it's not ideal. I think we can all agree that face-to-face sessions feel better to us; our norm in many ways, and during time of crisis and chaos, it makes sense to crave
your normal. But, we’re in a time where it’s vital to focus on the silver linings! I'm learning that there can be some great aspects to telehealth including our ability to have access and give care to our clients, continuously. So, how do we make this work?! I've compiled some tips over the last few weeks based on my own experiences, feedback from colleagues and open dialogue with clients on how to transition to or begin virtual sessions:

  • Be transparent with the unexpected transition and validate their efforts and willingness to continue their work during a global crisis. That’s a HUGE step!

  • Consider setting up the session and controlling the environment in a similar way you would in your office. What do you think you need? How can you help the client(s) create a safe space? I'd suggest asking the client to sit on the couch with their upper body being shown in the video. Ideally, they're alone and in a quiet, private space where they can concentrate and do work.

                  -We need to note the current crisis, cultural aspects and NYC living
                    situations. This isn't going to be possible for all clients so how can you
                    process with them what will and will not work?


                  -Be straightforward in what you're hoping for, set your boundaries but be
                    willing to be flexible – it’s needed right now!

                  -Make note of something that feels like a ‘clinical issue’ versus ‘necessary’
                    during this time
(re: what does it mean if the client is eating during
                    session or are chatting from their bed?



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Manhattan Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC
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