How To Love Your Partner Best: "The Five Love Languages" Way

 By Emily Eyerman, MA, LMFT

When I sit with a couple that’s experiencing a disconnect, what I often see is a discrepancy in how they are showing and receiving love, which can be interpreted as a LACK of love.

Our perception of love influences our ability to recognize and therefore experience it, as if it was a special lenses. Gary Chapman, the author of “The Five Love Languages” *** calls these lenses “languages”.

Love languages is a perfect term to describe the complex manifestation of childhood experiences, family-of-origin precepts, cultural aspects, and unique personal journey; manifested in how we interpret others’ relating to us and how we relate to others. 

Without knowing the other’s language we could never truly appreciate what we have. Tweet this.

Learning each other’s love languages and understanding our partners can help to enhance ANY loving relationship. It can improve feelings of emotional intimacy and connectedness. 

Here is an overview of the 5 Languages. (Click on the icons to go to author's website)

Words of Affirmation – This person's language centers around praise and appreciation.

Example: Small compliments such as “thanks for working so hard”.

Acts of Service – If you’ve ever heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words” that rings most true to people who receive love with this language. This can be as small as doing the dishes or as big as taking the kids and letting your partner have the night “off.”

Receiving Gifts – This is pretty straight forward. This person feels special and loved when they receive gifts. Maybe you can’t buy jewelry every week for your partner, but picking up their favorite dessert or surprising them with flowers can make all the difference.

Quality Time – This language focuses on spending time with each other and giving UNDIVIDED attention. I highlight that word because it is important! When you are married or living with your partner you may see them every day but you lack actually spending quality time. This can be making the effort to turn off the TV/cellphones/devices during dinner and talking to each other without distraction.

Physical Touch – This person experiences love through physical touch. This comes in many forms such as sexual intercourse, hand holding, embracing, or even a small caress while walking past your loved one. We form bonds with other people, not just our partners, through physical touch. Think of holding a baby to bond with them before they understand verbal language. 

Get your Book here. ***

Find out your language, go to http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

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